the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
