I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
