You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
