He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
don't judge my taste in strippers
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
