chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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