I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
