Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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