theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize