I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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