I wish I could teleport
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
