That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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