just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
