I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
