I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
