You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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