I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
