why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
