my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
