he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
