i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
