i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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