i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
