"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
