awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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