just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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