I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
