I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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