And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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