I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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