Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
