At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
