I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
