yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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