i think i have herpe
just one?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
