Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
