I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
