I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Define "chronic" masturbator.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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