I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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