forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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