i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
