Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
