best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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