So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
