I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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