i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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