:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
don't judge my taste in strippers
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
