Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
