She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
