I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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