The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
