there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
