I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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