he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
