marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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