her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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