I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
