I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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