Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I can't put those talents on a resume
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize