i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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