so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
