I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
