I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
