Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
