my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
