btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
