i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
