I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize