the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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