maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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