Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
