So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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