There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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