why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
