I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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