she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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