watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
