I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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