Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
