so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
