After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
