I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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