It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize