I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize