her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
