As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
