But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
