very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
