im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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