Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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