Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i've created a new STD.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize