I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
