I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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