my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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