a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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