why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize