My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
