Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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