I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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