Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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