is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
