The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize