It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
