So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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