dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
