A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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