I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
