Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
