last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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