So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
