I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
