I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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