i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
